According to reports, area man Chad Decker has been seen around various nightclubs in “regrettable” outfits and “copious” amounts of hair gel.
“I saw Chad in the club the other day wearing sweatpants and a polo,” said Becca Jansen, a fellow patron at Necto nightclub. “But his hair was glistening with product and wouldn’t move no matter how hard he was fist pumping, so he ended up winning me over.”
Decker describes his going-out style as a “combination of George Clooney and DJ Pauly D from the Jersey Shore.” Central to his look, he claims, is a “solid millimeter of product on every hair follicle.”
“I probably go through about a tube of hair gel a week,” boasts Decker, who was wearing a Tapout shirt at the time of the interview. “Not even kidding, a girl literally cut her hand trying to run her hand through my hair last Monday.”
“If people don’t like my collection of graphic tanks, it doesn’t bother me,” says Decker. “You’ve seen this hair. No reason to lack in confidence when you’ve got the mane of Justin Timberlake circa 2001 mixed with a stylish lesbian.”