Area Man Frantically Searching For Hawaiian Shirt To Cultivate Laid-Back Vibe At Party

Sullivan (pictured) anxiously searching for the perfect relaxed darty attire.

Tau Kappa Omega fraternity member Cody Sullivan was reportedly seen frantically scouring his closet last Saturday for a “vaguely Hawaiian” or similarly ironic tropical outfit in order to make himself appear convincingly easygoing before attending the fraternity’s afternoon party.

“I can’t just go down there in a Vinyard Vines t-shirt or something,” said Sullivan, nervously unzipping a suitcase from the back of his closet. “No one wants to talk to the guy who looks like he’s taking himself too seriously.”

Seth Wazny, a fellow Tau Kappa Omega member, reported witnessing Sullivan scurrying through the halls of the fraternity house asking his fellow brothers for “some kind of straw hat, or maybe even a lei.” Added Sullivan, “shit, I’ll even take a coconut bra at this point.”

Wazny said he empathized with Sullivan’s desire to adopt a carefree, summer vibe in the face of the throngs of bikini-clad partygoers, but claimed that Sullivan’s predicament is a clear reminder of the importance of meticulously planning ahead for “these types of things.”

“I’ve had this Margaritaville tank-top folded up and ready to go for weeks,” said Wazny. “And I’ve got a button-up Tommy Bahama shirt from Ragstock for tomorrow.”

At press time, Sullivan, in a last-ditch attempt to seem uncaring and relaxed, was seen wrestling the Hawaiian-inspired shirt off of a Trader Joe’s employee.

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