Sullivan (pictured) anxiously searching for the perfect relaxed darty attire.
Tau Kappa Omega fraternity member Cody Sullivan was reportedly seen frantically scouring his closet last Saturday for a “vaguely Hawaiian” or similarly ironic tropical outfit in order to make himself appear convincingly easygoing before attending the fraternity’s afternoon party.
“I can’t just go down there in a Vinyard Vines t-shirt or something,” said Sullivan, nervously unzipping a suitcase from the back of his closet. “No one wants to talk to the guy who looks like he’s taking himself too seriously.”
Seth Wazny, a fellow Tau Kappa Omega member, reported witnessing Sullivan scurrying through the halls of the fraternity house asking his fellow brothers for “some kind of straw hat, or maybe even a lei.” Added Sullivan, “shit, I’ll even take a coconut bra at this point.”
Wazny said he empathized with Sullivan’s desire to adopt a carefree, summer vibe in the face of the throngs of bikini-clad partygoers, but claimed that Sullivan’s predicament is a clear reminder of the importance of meticulously planning ahead for “these types of things.”
“I’ve had this Margaritaville tank-top folded up and ready to go for weeks,” said Wazny. “And I’ve got a button-up Tommy Bahama shirt from Ragstock for tomorrow.”
At press time, Sullivan, in a last-ditch attempt to seem uncaring and relaxed, was seen wrestling the Hawaiian-inspired shirt off of a Trader Joe’s employee.