“See, it’s just got too many buttons,” said Kaine, holding up the universal remote that controls both the TV and DVD player.
Reportedly the result of the Virginia Senator’s growing frustration with his Sony XD4678, financial disclosures from the Clinton campaign revealed last Thursday that $600 per week had been allocated to a campaign staffer whose sole purpose was to operate and troubleshoot Vice Presidential candidate Tim Kaine’s personal DVD player.
“I just can’t get the hang of this darn thing,” said Kaine, when questioned about the device at a campaign stop. “It always says it’s loading, and it makes this weird scratchy noise whenever I try to access the special features.”
According to a campaign source, Kaine received the DVD player as gift from his wife several years ago. Due to the pressures of public life, Kaine had reportedly never found the time to learn how to use the device until last month.
“Since I started campaigning with Hillary [Clinton], I spend four or five hours a day just in the campaign bus. I was gonna use that time to finally watch that Antiques Roadshow box set, but every time I tried to watch it, it always had the Korean subtitles and would just go back to the main menu when I tried to fix it,” said Kaine. “After a couple days of this, an intern figured it out for me, and [Finance Director] Dennis [Chang] told me I could bring him on full time.”
Added Kaine, “it’s worse than when I couldn’t find the right cord to sync my Zune with and had to keep listening to the same three Steely Dan albums on the treadmill every morning.”
While Kaine’s hiring of a DVD assistant will likely have a negligible effect on Clinton’s campaign, one communications official told the Associated Press that voters may respond positively to news of Kaine’s difficulties with the personal entertainment device.
“When you’ve got a candidate like Donald Trump going on every television show to claim he alone can fix everything, I think it’s refreshing for voters to see a man with enough humility to admit that he can’t get past the ‘settings’ screen that plays the theme music over and over again whenever he tries to watch ‘Ghostbusters,’” said the official.
At press time, reports have surfaced that the campaign was forced to purchase another DVD player after Kaine spilled some orange juice on the first one.