Family Adds Shared Data Plan To List Of Things Tearing It Apart

Molly ignores her mother’s request to stop using so much data, just like she ignored her advice to stay away from that boy from with all the tattoos.

Describing the deal as “too good to pass up,” area mom Karen Johnson recently decided to add a 10 gigabit shared data plan to the laundry list of things currently destroying her family. The addition of the family plan is just the latest in a series of family controversies that have caused the already cancerous familial relationships to continue to fester.

“I did have a hunch that trying to share 10 gigs of data between the six of us might lead to problems,” Johnson admitted to reporters. “After thinking it through, I figured the kids already aren’t speaking to me, and with my husband’s tax evasion lawsuit coming up, what’s one more argument starter on top of that?”

According to youngest daughter Erin Johnson, the plan had already begun to predictably “cause a lot of tension.” She later stated that she believed “it wouldn’t even be a problem if my sister [Molly] could stop using up 90 percent of our data in the first 48 hours. But we all know everything’s about Princess Molly.”

Older sister Molly Johnson commented on the situation herself, explaining, “I mean, I guess I use kind of a lot of data, but I think we have bigger things to sort out. I’m not the one who got arrested for drunk driving last month.”

Mother Karen Johnson stated that she does not foresee this conflict dissipating any time soon, but does feel that eventually it will “probably just sort of blend together with all of our other pressing issues.”

“Besides,” Johnson later added, “it’s only $20 dollars a month. We’re always arguing over something anyways, might as well get a deal out of it.”

Johnson concluded by stating that while she could update to a larger data plan, it might be good to have something else to distract the kids after she announces the upcoming divorce.

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