In an effort to “boost morale” and “punish the body to reward the body,” head football coach Jim Harbaugh has submitted a formal request to Michigan Athletics to replace the traditional “Go Blue” banner through which the football team takes the field with a 5-ton pile of bricks.
“I just want to make sure all our guys know the type of energy required of them at each and every game,” said coach Harbaugh. “If they aren’t prepared to obliterate a compact barrier of stone and mortar with their heads, then they aren’t prepared to take that field.”
Sources report that while Athletic Director Warde Manuel was at first “hesitant” to make the switch from cloth banner to massive slab of cement, he conceded that it was “not his place to dictate what [his] coach does on the field.”
“We’re currently in the process of reviewing the proposal,” stated Manuel. “There are a few safety concerns to address when it comes to smashing our student athletes’ skulls against what is essentially the side of a building, but we’re doing all we can to accommodate our players and coaches.”
Senior tight end Jake Butt said he believes smashing through a stack of cinder blocks would be a “fitting entrance” for the team.
“With the way the season is shaping up, I think it only makes sense to highlight our athleticism and spirit by annihilating a solid mass of cement and concrete,” said Butt. “I mean, if a team like Penn State sees us ram through a robust hunk of masonry, they might just refuse to take the field.”
At press time, Harbaugh was instructing the team to rip chunks of scrap metal in half with their bare hands, reportedly using the exercise as a metaphor for how the group would “break the spirits of defenses they’ll be facing in the coming weeks.”