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Jabrill Peppers Displaying Versatility In All Facets Of Creative Writing Class

Demonstrating what his ENGLISH 223 instructor described as a...

  • Oct 14, 2016

NFL Rolls Out Plan To Donate 350 Players To Concussion Research

Goodell announces the concussion study, which will premier after...

  • Oct 14, 2016

University Unveils Initiative To Combat Mental Health Problems It The Cause Of

Students can leave their shoes and worries outside the bounce-house,...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Schlissel Launches Bold New Fundraising Campaign With Spare Time, Metal Detector

Citing a desire to jump-start fundraising a month before the...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Nation’s Bass Players Announce Plans To Look Bored On Stage

Shifting side to side and looking out blankly past the audience, bass...

  • Oct 14, 2016

‘Brevity Is The Soul Of Wit’ Says Guy In English Class Who Just Won’t Shut Up

Following his hour-long interpretation of Jane Austen’s “Pride...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Nation’s Dimwits Announce Plans To Stand Close To Doorways During Peak Foot Traffic Hours

A coalition of America’s dimwits announced last Thursday that they...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Local Physician Reassures Dead Patient’s Family Members That ‘It Won’t Happen Again’

Stimson said he was annoyed that Keller “made such a big deal”...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Culinary Tragedy! The Pneumatic Sandwich Delivery Tube At Jimmy Johns Is Broken, So Now The Employees Have To Make The Sandwiches Themselves!

Sad news, JJ fans. Jimmy Johns has always been known for their...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Garage Band Forced To Break Up After Cars Found In Garage

Members of local garage band Snowshoeing Mooses were allegedly...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Will Someone Please Sit With Billy At The Peanut Free Table In The Dining Hall?

Hey folks! Just a heads up, Billy mentioned to me the other day that...

  • Oct 14, 2016

Diag Preacher Unsure What To Eat For Lunch, Positive Jews Did 9/11

Following a morning of attempting to convert students to the Catholic...

  • Oct 14, 2016
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