Leoni talking to a fellow partygoer, apparently oblivious to the chunks of yesterday’s chicken parm sliding down his collar.
Sources report that sophomore Michael Leoni was spotted Saturday evening attempting to interact with multiple women at a party he was attending as if he had not left the party only a few minutes prior to puke in the driveway.
Witnesses say Leoni stumbled outside and promptly heaved a partially digested mix of vodka, beer, and Cottage Inn cheese bread onto the pavement shortly before returning to the dance floor with a newly acquired odor and heightened confidence.
“It was pretty tough to watch,” said Lucy Martinez, a fellow partygoer. “He puked a lot. I mean, a lot. But then he just waltzed back in and started to act buddy-buddy with everyone like we all didn’t just watch him through the window.”
While several party attendees witnessed Leoni vomit firsthand, the majority remained unaware of the incident until watching the bile shower on a friend’s snapchat story minutes later. Leoni continued to not only attend the party, but also hit on over three women.
“He came up to me and my friend and kind of playfully punched her on the shoulder as if we couldn’t see real live bits of throw-up on his shirt,” said Martinez. “At one point he tried to get me to dance, but he just fell down so I walked away.”
On top of trying to feign his way through a meaningful conversation despite being able to walk in a straight line, witnesses report seeing Leoni individually telling his fellow party-goers, “I love you, bro” and attempting to shake their hand as if they didn’t see him wipe his mouth with it less than a half hour prior.
“He would just keep coming up to me, looking at me with those lifeless eyes, and whispering ‘I’m good bro, I’m good’ even though I had to physically keep him propped up,” said fellow attendee Andrew Markowitz.
Leoni was found the next morning sleeping in the bushes he desecrated after returning to vomit once more.