Report: Pimple Not Quite Ripe Enough To Pop

Expressing his frustration as he went about his morning routine, Nathan Hendrick reported his nose pimple had not yet reached the adequate level of ripeness to produce a satisfying pop.

“Dang it,” Hendrick said when he glanced in the mirror to find his blemish had failed to snowcap. “I was sweating like a dog yesterday, and for what? Well, this sucker’s going to be a good one once it’s nice and ready.”

Sources close to Hendrick told reporters that the zit started as an invisible, yet painful, facial disturbance before growing into a plump, pink opportunity.

“You’ve got to feel a little bad for Nathan,” said Jason La Voy, Hendrick’s roommate. “That honker’s smack dab in the middle of his face—distracting as fuck, truth be told. He’s been on edge for days waiting for the chance to make that thing explode.”

Hendrick had reportedly been waiting several days for the bump to reach its full potential, often rubbing it with his index finger in quiet hopes to “bring that baby out to harvest.”

“Look, I don’t necessarily like what it’s done to my face, but a real juicy one like that only comes out every once in awhile,” said Hendrick as he circled the pimple with his thumb. “I can’t wait to see that hint of white and then squeeze it till it oozes and splats, maybe even onto my mirror bathroom mirror.”

“This one’s gonna be just like that, I can feel it,” he continued. “This one’s gonna be the Big Kahuna.”

At press time, Hendrick had acted on a false alarm, leaving him only with bleeding skin.

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