“I trust that we can all behave as mature adults,” added Cook.
In the wake of a historic election that has resulted in Donald Trump winning the American presidency, area man Evan Cook called on his fellow Americans to come together Wednesday under a regime that fortunately poses no threat to his personal wellbeing.
“It was a hard-fought election, but it’s time we put aside our differences and join forces to work toward a brighter future,” said Cook, who earlier this week used his constitutional right to help elect a man proposing the construction of a literal wall between the United States and Mexico.
“Everyone has their own opinion, but the people have voted and their voices were loud and clear. Now we must come together for the sake of the country we all love,” added Cook, who, as luck would have it, does not identify as African American, Middle Eastern, Latino, Asian, or any other minority group threatened by racial prejudice.
Cook, a cisgender, heterosexual man whose president-elect of choice opposes equal rights for millions of LGBTQ citizens, implored his peers to “recognize that democracy is built upon compromise.”
“When the fight’s over it’s only right that you shake the other man’s hand, congratulate him on a job well done, and let bygones be bygones,” said the supporter of a candidate who has called women “pigs,” been accused of rape, and is determined to defund Planned Parenthood, thus limiting the basic reproductive rights of half his constituents. “We have to have faith in the system that has elected forty-five upstanding men to this office.”
Cook credits his goodwill and levelheaded perspective to his upbringing in a loving, Christian household.
“It’s important to remember that at the end of the day, we’re all on the same team, and we all want what’s best for each other,” said Cook, after casting his ballot Tuesday for a nominee suggesting a nationwide ban on Muslim immigrants and refugees.
Cook, who voted for a man promising the deportation of millions of families across the country, remained adamant that, “Before Republicans, before Democrats, we are all Americans.”