Billionaire First Lady Unimpressed With 18th Century White House Decor

A White House spokesman has confirmed that Melania Trump refuses to move into the White House in it’s current state. The Slovenian super model is so unimpressed with what she has described as “low-ceilinged hovel” that she has decided to keep her residence in Trump Tower in New York as well.

“After I married Donald, I adjusted to the Italian marble floors and gold faucets and sinks. I haven’t washed my own hair since 2013,” commented the future First Lady. She plans on bringing her full wardrobe, hair, and makeup staff to Washington, provided they will be able to sleep on mattresses comparable to the down feather ones they are accustomed to.

The Future First Lady intends to have multiple floors of the East Wing converted to house her extensive Louboutin and exoctic fur collection. “They led me the closet area and I asked them why they were showing me the dumbwaiters.” commented the First Lady, later adding “Why aren’t there separate summertime ballrooms attached to the regular ballrooms?”

First Lady Trump also claims that the grand colonial mansion, which has been a symbol of the free world since the 1800s, has “terrible, terrible wifi compared to my husband’s lovely hotels”. Upon her most recent visit to the White House, Melania Trump was allegedly seen storming out of the White House gates to the nearest Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy a new mattress to replace “that hideous piece of garbage in the Lincoln Bedroom.”

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