Ken Burns Announces New Documentary On Grilling, Mowing Lawns, Other Shit Dads Like

Burns’ segment on cell phone holsters has been hailed as one of the documentary’s highlights.

Burns’ segment on cell phone holsters has been hailed as one of the documentary’s highlights.

This week, fathers across the nation rejoiced as Ken Burns, submitting to the desires of his core demographic, announced he would be releasing a new documentary series on the history of grilling, mowing lawns, and “a bunch of other shit dads like.”

The 16 hour television event will premiere simulcast on the History Channel and PBS next Monday through Thursday at 8 p.m., with encore presentations at midnight. Burns, known for his documentaries about the Civil War, the Jazz Age and national parks, said he was excited to deliver yet another series that would capture the hearts of the nation’s many suburban dads.

“About two years ago, I read this fascinating book about the history of lawnmowers, and I just knew this was a story that my audience—and literally nobody else—would find extremely compelling,” said Burns. “And then, once I found some footage of Neville Chamberlain trying to light a grill, I knew we had a series.”

One report stated that the documentary series will include black and white archival footage of charcoal grills, recliners, and the first modern thermostat. A source claims that Burns has even obtained footage of “the first man to tuck his t-shirt into his shorts at the airport.”

In addition to providing historical context of inventions beloved by fathers and uncles alike, such as hardware stores and “those weird sandals,” it will also feature uninterrupted screenings of all three of Francis Ford Coppola’s “Godfather” films.

“I’m particularly excited to learn about the untold history of universal remotes. That stuff just really interests me,” said local father Marcus LaMont. “Imagine a world where every appliance in the house is unified by a single infrared signal. Wow.”

Ryan Kinnings, a 58-year-old father from Green Bay, Wisconsin told reporters the series would serve as “the perfect thing to take up all the space on [his] DVR.”

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