Cleveland Serial Killer Has Trouble Appealing to National Market

Despite his sadistic methods, propensity for disgusting fetishism, and the sheer mass of his body of work, Cleveland serial killer Craig Kennelly has had trouble achieving notoriety in a market beyond the tri-state area.

“The level of crime has been pretty high in Cleveland for a long time now, but we’re still constantly being overlooked in the national discussion,” said Kennelly in a manifesto released to several national news outlets, but only reprinted by struggling local newspapers like e Shaker Heights Times-Tribune. “I mean, ten victims and not so much as an article on CNN’s national website?”

“Maybe dumping bodies in Lake Erie doesn’t have the Hollywood air of the Paci c Ocean, but it gets the job done just ne. I haven’t been approached for a series by Net ix or a segment on ‘60 Minutes.’ All I got was two minutes in the third block of NBC Nightly News,” noted the 41-year-old suspected of committing between eight and twelve homicides in the greater Cleveland area over the last fourteen weeks.

Kennelly has been dubbed “The Sixth City Slasher” by local news outlets, a name he reportedly resents. “What kind of name is that? Robert Durst kills like three people and he gets ‘ e Jinx’ and an HBO miniseries, now tell me how that’s fair.”

“Last week, I le a body in the elephant enclosure of the fourth largest zoo in Ohio. What did Je rey Dahmer do that was so much more interesting?” ranted Kennelly in a recent online blog post written at a public library computer. “At this rate, I’m not sure I’ll even inspire an episode of Criminal Minds.”

Thomas Peterson, Cleveland chief of police, told reporters yesterday that he is “a bit surprised there’s not more interest in a true crime series with these circumstances.” He went on to note that “the Metropolis of the Western Reserve” is a hard working town which boasts some of the nation’s best “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame museums,” “homes featured in A Christmas Story,” and “savage murders committed in the name of Helen from work.”

At press time, Kennelly had claimed responsibility for the murder of a local city councilman, a man whose political appeal never reached beyond Cuyahoga County.

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