College Senior ‘Ready To Move On’ From Life Of Limited Responsibilities, Unparalleled Ease

Mestdagh told friends that he is “bored” of living in an environment so perfectly conducive to his happiness.

Reflecting on his time at the University of Michigan, senior Andrew Mestdagh told friends this past weekend that he is “kind of over” the life of sleeping in every day, three day weekends, and endless opportunities for drinking that his college enrollment is currently providing.

“All the partying and stuff has been fun, but I’m ready to move on,” said Mestdagh, whose parents currently pay for his rent, utilities, and groceries, which combine to over half of his potential postgraduate monthly salary.

Despite the seemingly endless comforts provided to him as a college student, including a vibrant social life, access to wellness programs, and the opportunity to learn from some of the brightest minds in the nation, Mestdagh recently told a family member that he was ready to enter “the real world.”

“I totally know what he means,” said Mestdagh’s roommate, Anthony Zang. “You can only live in an environment painstakingly crafted to fit your every needs for so long before it’s like, enough already.”

Zang added that he’s excited to start his eight to five job after graduation, as he currently “doesn’t have enough free time,” given the ten hours of class and five hours of homework he usually completes in a given week.

Mestdagh agreed, saying that he can’t wait to leave behind his typical routine of waking up at 11:30 and attending two lectures, in favor of the novelty of 6am traffic and ten-hour workdays his upcoming sales job will provide.

At press time, Mestdagh was looking at studio apartments in Pittsburgh, eager to move out of the house he shares with his best friends and into the confines of a city where he knows no one.

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