Paul Ryan To Sick Woman: ‘I Want You To Die’

 Ryan reportedly pocketed a bottle of Green’s Cytoxan on the way out the door.

Last Thursday, House Speaker Paul Ryan visited 33-year-old cancer patient Laura Green at Howard University hospital and informed her that he wants her to die.

The Speaker reportedly approached her bed, gently placed his hand on her shoulder, and said in a calm tone, “Laura, I sincerely desire for your life to end.” Green, whose stage 2 melanoma is considered a pre-existing condition, would lose her health insurance if the Affordable Care Act were repealed, as Ryan plans to do.

“Frankly, if it were up to me I’d just pull the plugs on these machines keeping you alive right now, but unfortunately that isn’t legal,” Ryan said, later adding, “Yet.”

Green expressed mixed feelings about Ryan’s “clearing the situation up.”

“I suppose it’s nice that he’s being honest for once, but I’d still rather he not devote so much time and energy to making sure I stop living. What’s his deal?” she said. Green added, “He didn’t blink the entire time.”

After he had left Green’s room, Ryan was seen several hours later outside of her window making a “throat cutting” gesture with his finger as he stared at her. Regarding the incident, Green said, “I got my nurse to close the curtains, but it’s possible that he’s still there; I’m kinda creeped out.”

Ryan was later seen pacing back and forth in front of Green’s window while calmly pulling the legs off of a spider.

At press time, Ryan had returned to his office and was composing several “threatening” letters on his official stationery addressed to Green’s hospital room.

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