Sources report that local 12-year-old Austin Patel strolled out of the downstairs bathroom during a family party last Saturday as though he had not been in there for a full 25 minutes.
“When you gotta go, you gotta go,” said Patel, who returned to the den with wet, clammy hands and grabbed some mixed nuts out of the bowl on the table. While several family members reportedly noticed Patel’s absence, they politely declined saying anything at the time.
“He’s at that age,” said Patel’s aunt, Cece Steinberg. “Who am I to judge how long he spends in there? Although, I did have to go all the way to the upstairs bathroom to relieve myself.” Steinberg was not the only one who picked up on Patel’s “sweet escape.”
“I went in the bathroom right after him and noticed right away that the tissue box on the back of the toilet was empty,” said family friend Hannah Snyder. “But he marched out of there with so much confidence, it was better to just let him think we believed that he was just got caught up looking at a ‘Home and Garden’ magazine.” According to sources, this is not the first time Patel has tried to rejoin a social gathering as if he hadn’t mysteriously been gone for nearly a half hour.
“His teacher mentioned she had to institute a six- minute bathroom break rule in class,” commented Patel’s mother, Kayla Steinberg-Patel.
“She even asked that we consider enrolling him in a private school where he would be more inclined to pay attention in class, but I don’t think it’s an attention problem at all,” said Patel-Steinberg as she replaced the empty lotion bottle in the downstairs bathroom.
After dinner, Patel was seen sticking his underwear behind a houseplant after a brief encounter with his older cousin Rachel.