Local Man Pretty Sure But Not Too Sure That Ketchup Never Expires

Marquez reportedly asked Hansen why ketchup “even needs to go in the refrigerator.”

Seeking condiments for a meal, James Marquez decided Thursday that “ketchup probably doesn’t ever go bad, right?”  

Marquez’s inquiry was prompted upon the discovery that ketchup bottles don’t seem to have an expiration date, unless it’s those intelligible series of numbers printed on the bottom.  He reportedly wondered aloud as to the anti-bacterial qualities of tomato juice, before checking the distance to Walgreen’s on his phone and concluding that “a pasteurization process of some sort” likely protects ketchup from spoiling.

Taylor Hansen, Marquez’s roommate, added, “I think I’ve also heard that somewhere maybe,” helping solidify Marquez’s decision that there’s around a 75% chance that ketchup is immune to expiration.

Hansen further encouraged Marquez’s slight certainty by saying, “Mustard probably also never expires, and relish, too. Or is it just mustard? Or neither?” Although the condiments showed signs of extreme use, the roommates concluded that it was better to take the risk than waste what could be perfectly edible food.

“I mean, in restaurants they just leave it out in the open,” continued Hansen. “There’s no way that they would do that if it went bad. Oh, maybe that’s just a thing because they use glass bottles.”

At press time, Marquez was seen contemplating whether encrusted ketchup on the inside of the bottle is as normal as encrusted ketchup on the rim.

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