Nation’s Opioid Epidemic Feeling Overlooked

Citing a lack of federal funding, media attention, and general public interest, the nation’s opioid epidemic announced this week that it has felt increasingly overshadowed by the nation’s other pressing issues.

Deborah Willis, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, said, “Gun violence gets all the attention, but who killed 33,000 Americans in 2015? That’s way more than the 13,000 deaths attributed to gun violence. So where’s my federal funding?”

Willis continued, “Unemployment is the right’s favorite national tragedy and everyone knows the left loves gun violence more than any of America’s other epidemics, so where does that leave us?”

Todd Chambers, a 45-year-old Ohio resident, when asked whether he gave preferential treatment to one epidemic over another in his day to day life said, “I guess I don’t give [opioids] much thought, but it’s not like I know anyone affected by the issue, so do I really even need to?”

After the majority of Americans neglected to observe International Opioid Awareness Day, San Diego woman Tasha Yates claimed, “I know we missed it this year but that doesn’t mean we don’t care. We’re just really busy and sometimes dates sneak up on you.”

At press time, the nation was seen trying to make it up to opiate abuse by wearing magenta for some reason.

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