We Didn’t Put Up A Fight When Democrats Wanted To Get Hawaiian Pizza, So Why Can’t Ya’ll Agree To Try Olives And Shards Of Glass By Mitch McConnell

Look, I get it – y’all disagree. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and ya’ll happen to be repulsed by the taste of olives and shards of glass. That’s fine, really. But let me remind you that I don’t like Hawaiian pizza.

Remember the last time we ordered pizza and ya’ll Democrats got to pick the toppings? You went right for the ham and pineapple, and we didn’t make a big fuss, no no no. Sure, we argued against it for almost two hours, and would’ve preferred half-Hawaiian half-pepperoni, but in the end we didn’t say no – it was your turn to pick after all.

Well, now it’s our turn, and we want to whet our palates with olives and fragments of razor-sharp glass.

I understand it’s not your first choice, I do, but ya’ll can’t always have your way. Last time we went with the Hawaiian pizza, so today we ought to go with olives and bits of shrapnel. What’s fair is fair.

Remember when ya’ll told me to stop complaining about the pineapple and just give it a try? Did I want to? No, the sweetness doesn’t compliment the cheese or sauce at all. Did I do it anyway? Ubetcha. Yet, here we are, and you’re making a big stink about tasting some measly olives and a sprinkle of broken glass. It just seems a little hypocritical, don’t you think?

Sorry, but I just don’t see how it’s fair unless we both make some compromises every now and then. I know, I know, I don’t like it either – but sometimes you just gotta take one for the team. Kind of like when I gave that slice of Hawaiian pizza a shot. Whaddya say? Just a bite?

C’mon now! Don’t be bitter just because I didn’t like the ham and pineapple. That kind of obstruction is just blatantly immature and you know it. Well fine, If you’re just gonna be unreasonable about it I’ll be the bigger man. How about we meet in the middle, hmm? Maybe drop the olives? We can even swap them out for sausage.

No? Yeesh! There’s just no winning with ya’ll.

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