5 Uses For Epsom Salts That Aren’t Just Getting Zonked Out Of Your Gourd

Whether you’re snorting them, injecting them, or dissolving them down into an enema, there’s nothing like the sweet, sweet rush of an epsom salt trip. No one wants to be caught without these mind-melters on hand, but if you ever find yourself with an extra stash laying around, here are some surprising uses for epsom salts that don’t involve getting zonked out of your fucking gourd.

  1. Relieve Pain and Cramping: In addition to taking your mind to pleasure town, epsom salts can help relieve muscle aches. Drop some salts into a warm bath after a rough workout and let your pain, and inhibitions, melt away.

  1. Exfoliate Your Skin: Epsom salts are a great exfoliant. Before crushing a gram into a fine powder to snort yourself into oblivion, rub a handful on damp skin to get the bright, soft skin you’ve always wanted.

  1. Clean Tile and Grout: Don’t let built-up dirt and grime bring you down from your sweet epsom salt high. Mix the devil’s crystals with a little dish detergent and scrub down the floors, showers, and backsplash between hallucinations.

  1. Relieve Constipation: Epsom salt has been used for centuries as a saline laxative. Dissolve one teaspoon of Epsom salts into a cup of warm water and drink. This remedy should not be used more than once per day for the health of the gut, but for the health of the mind, the doctor recommends one hit an hour until the soul and universe collide.

  1. In The Garden: Epsom salts are an effective and all-natural fertilizer and pesticide. Share the love and let your garden slugs and critters experience transcendental ascension beyond consciousness.  

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