Family Of Soldier Disappointed By Lackluster Surprise Homecoming

The family of Lieutenant Commander George Collins expressed disappointment this week in what was supposed to be a “surprise” homecoming by the soldier, saying the event was poorly executed and “pretty underwhelming.”

The family, residing outside of Tucson, AZ, said they became suspicious when they were offered free Diamondbacks tickets right behind home plate. When they were asked to come to walk out to center field, Collins’ wife, Marissa, said the surprise was “totally spoiled.”

“They had a video of [Collins] on the jumbo screen as if that was going to be the big surprise,” said Collins’ son Jacob. “Like we’d buy that. It was obvious he was going to pop out of the dug out. You can go on Youtube and see twenty videos with the exact same setup. The whole thing was just so predictable.”

“We’re happy to have George home safe and sound,” added Marissa Collins. “I just wish he hadn’t made it so obvious. He could’ve at least put on the mascot’s costume and then revealed himself to us by taking off the head. At least then it would’ve been a little creative.”

“I mean a baseball game, really?” continued Jacob. “Like of course they’re gonna pick America’s favorite pastime for a troop to come home to. When my friend David’s dad came home early for Christmas, he dressed up as Santa Claus and actually slid down their chimney.”

The family said that while they are overjoyed to be able to spend time with Collins, his “lack of effort” in surprising them has put a damper on their time together, and they are eager for him to deploy next week so that he can have a second chance.

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