Newly Engaged Couple Planning Summer Divorce

The Perrys look forward to feeling the summer breeze on their faces before beginning months of painful depositions.
The Perrys look forward to feeling the summer breeze on their faces before beginning months of painful depositions.

Following a large ceremony on the beach in California, newlyweds Josh and Sarah Perry have decided to make plans for a summer divorce.

“We don’t want to rush anything,” commented Mrs. Perry. “We want to enjoy our short-lived marriage before we start our bitter, divorced lives.” The couple plans on honeymooning in Bali, followed by an ugly separation about a year later.

The couple, whose wedding cost their parents upwards of $50,000, is anticipating that legal costs alone will surpass $25,000, not including the individual costs of alcohol for the couple. “I’m thinking our theme colors will be black and drab, but I’m also waiting to see what the weather is,” remarked Mrs. Perry.

Mr. Perry, who was hoping for a more traditional divorce proceeding, told reporters, “My parents are the old-school type. They hoped I’d wait a couple years before a divorce, give them a grandkid or two to fight over in a custody battle. Sarah’s always rushing me.” The divorce, which will have the couple, their attorneys, and a presiding judge in attendance, will be followed by a screaming battle in the hallway of the courthouse and then a small reception.

Although the couple is hopeful that their divorce date does not align with any major holidays or family obligations, they feel that their loved ones will make time in their schedules for this life-defining moment where they will cement their eternal separation.

The ceremony will be non-denominational.

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