University Celebrates 200th Year Of Celebrating University

Following the ceremony, the University will send an email requesting donations to fund a newly proposed fundraising campaign.
Following the ceremony, the University will send an email requesting donations to fund a newly proposed fundraising campaign.

In what University representatives claim will be a “spirited and well-deserved celebration of 200 years of Michigan history,” administrators, alumni, and students will come together at the upcoming spring commencement ceremony to celebrate the school’s 200th year of celebrating itself.

“Reaching our bicentennial year is an achievement that offers us a rare and imperative opportunity to honor and praise all of the honor and praise we’ve given ourselves over the last two centuries,” said spokesperson Angela Hildebrand. “We as a University look back on these years of celebrating our fundraising efforts, achievements in research, and exceptional alumni with pride. This year’s commencement ceremony will really give us the chance to highlight those celebrations.”

Breaking with school tradition, University officials announced that in lieu of finding a single commencement speaker hailing from the realms of politics, business, or literature to honor the University and its graduating class, this year’s ceremony is set to feature a fittingly self-promotional multimedia production that reportedly “looks back and looks ahead at past and future acts of self-promotion.”

“We made the decision this year that one voice wasn’t enough to properly self-congratulate ourselves on our 200th year of self-congratulation,” said Hildebrand. “We figured heck, we’ve got some extra money for this thing, let’s pull out all the stops. Really show ourselves who’s the leaders and the best.”

Though many students have expressed displeasure with the University’s decision to move forward with their plan to co-opt the commencement ceremony in order to applaud itself, administration reportedly insisted that the self-congratulatory event will not overshadow the congratulating of the graduates.

“The commencement is first and foremost a day to honor and celebrate those students who we expect to honor and celebrate us long after they have graduated,” said President Mark Schlissel. “This is going to be a day they will always remember, and not just because we will remind them of it every time we email them about joining the alumni association.”

The University has numerous other events scheduled to honor its two centuries of self-indulgence, which will take place at various places around campus and are sure to include plenty of self-congratulation and brand promotion.

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