Returning Junior Kind Of A Dick Now

Maxwell, who denies having received your voicemail, is just “doing his own thing.”
Maxwell, who denies having received your voicemail, is just “doing his own thing.”

Reconvening at the University of Michigan after a rejuvenating summer full of friends, relaxation, and new experiences, an Ann Arbor friend group has concluded that returning junior, Kyle Maxwell, is sort of a dick now.

Maxwell’s friends, many of whom initially became acquainted with him from their placement in Mosher Jordan hall freshman year, are reporting that even though they used to get along so well, he’s just more of a dick than they remember.

“Kyle’s always had sort of a big mouth, but he used to always be chill about it,” said Michael Sheen, Maxwell’s freshman roommate. “This year, I don’t know, he’s just kind of a dick,” he added.

Melanie Cortez, another one of Maxwell’s friends, shared similar sentiments. “Don’t get me wrong it’s not like Kyle is some giant asshole that doesn’t have any friends, it’s just that he’s sort of a dick and I don’t want to hang out with him,” Cortez said.

It is being widely reportedly that since leaving Ann Arbor last April, Maxwell has taken to referring to his friends as both “buddy” or “numbnuts” in addition to adding the phrase “off the chain” to his daily vocabulary.

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