Report: Garbage Disposal Scary

The beast demands a sacrifice.
The beast demands a sacrifice.

A recently released multidisciplinary report has confirmed that the garbage disposal is “very terrifying.”

The report cited “aggressively loud noises” and “similarity to a lamprey made entirely of knives” as some of the top factors that make the garbage disposal “super spooky.”

Other sources of fear included dropping a fork in the disposal and potentially chopping your hand off reaching in to get it, as well as accidentally turning on the garbage disposal when you meant to turn on the lights.

The report comes as unsurprising to many, including area woman and garbage disposal owner Maddie Hammond who states that she “hasn’t touched the disposal herself since it was installed.”

According to Hammond, her sink has been clogged for over a week but can’t be fixed without turning on the garbage disposal, which she claims is “obviously too frightening for anyone living in the house to do.”

Hammond added that the only time her sink gets cleared out is when she forces her boyfriend to turn it on while she hides in the bathroom.

The report concluded that the best way to alleviate fear of the garbage disposal is to “concede and call your plumber to have it uninstalled.”

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