Jason Always Finds Time to Call His Mom, Reports Your Mom

Despite not finding time to call his mom, Jason gets a haircut every single day.
Despite not finding time to call his mom, Jason gets a haircut every single day.

Despite a very busy finals season and numerous extracurricular activities to attend to, a new report by your mother indicates that Jason always seems to find time to call his mom.

The report offered several findings, including the fact that “Jason is pre-med, just like you,” and “Jason is taking sixteen credits, just like you,” but “Jason always finds time to call his mom, and you don’t.” The report also noted that Jason’s mother raved that her son would find time to call her during his ten minute walks to class, “just to say hi,” and yet somehow “you can’t even find time to return my phone calls on your birthday.”

Unfortunately, the report offered no suggestions as to how Jason always finds time to call his mom. In the report, titled, “Jason Always Finds Time to Call While I’m Lucky to Get a Text That Your Account Needs More Money for Laundry,” the author noted special confusion in the fact that Jason still finds time to call, even though “Jason’s busy with his new girlfriend and you’re single.”

Much of the report’s information came from stories from Jason’s mom. That information was largely shared with your mom last Sunday, in a conversation taking place after the two women attended a screening of Bad Moms 2: A Bad Moms’ Christmas together. Your mom and Jason’s mom are reported as being good friends, a relationship which the report attributes to when, “You and Jason used to play Little League baseball together, even though you quit after a year and Jason went on to play Varsity Baseball in high school.”

At press time, the report featured an addendum noting that Jason has now found time to call his grandma on occasion, to, and that “texts for money don’t count.”

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