Oh cripes, it’s happening. That leaky pipe in the kitchen finally burst, and now the restaurant is starting to flood. There are two inches of standing water already.
And what’s worse, you’re the lowest-ranked busboy at this joint. You can’t complain too much, they were nice enough to hire you given your priors, and you need the money. But restaurant policy is clear: the lowest man on the totem pole has to drink all the water in the case of a flood, and that’s you buckaroo.
If you can’t get it done before your boss gets back from his smoke break you might lose it all. You should’ve thought of that before you missed your shift yesterday, but you didn’t. So now he’s already pissed at you, and if you can’t get this stagnant floor liquid down your gullet before he finishes huffing a few cigs, you’re probably gonna get fired.
C’mon, buddy, you can do it! You were the king of keg stands back at Tech, you know your stomach can handle it! So what if it’s a little dirty, do you know how many people in the world would kill to have that much water immediately available to them? Do the right thing man, you need to get on all fours and start hoovering. You’re not too good for this. You have a barbed wire tattoo for fuck’s sake.
The first sip will probably be the hardest, but once you get in the groove of vacuuming that floor water up into your mouth and down your throat, you’ll be done before you know it. The bathroom’s not even far if you need a piss break. Think of your body as a transportation container responsible for taking water off the restaurant floor and depositing it in the toilet. You’re a machine. You’re the machine. You can do this!
Uh oh, is that him opening the door? Oh phew, no, it’s just a customer. But wait, shit! Nobody’s gonna want to spend money at a flooded food joint! You just have to drink faster man! If your boss finds out he lost paying customers because you were too high and mighty to guzzle down a few dozen gallons of cold floor soup, you’ll be canned so hard you’ll never be hired again! Plus the other staff members would definitely “forget” to give you your share of the tips. C’mon man! Drink! Drink!