Following his pathetic display of weakness in the grocery chain, news outlets are reporting that area man, Francis Fuller, 29, has absolutely nothing to lose in his sad, sad life.
Fuller, wearing a stained high school football sweatshirt, was seen early Tuesday afternoon opening a tube of original Pringles during his five minute wait on the Kroger checkout line.
Kathleen Nunes, who was ahead of Fuller in line, was disturbed by the event. “Chips are good, so I guess I understand the urge, but to go ahead and open them in public before you’ve even paid for them. It was at that moment that I knew this was a shell of a man with nothing to live for.”
The Kroger cashier, Brandon Reyes, was also reached for comment.
“You see it from time to time, and it never gets easier. Guy comes in here eats his chips in line, the poor thing obviously hasn’t had a square meal in weeks,” said Reyes, who has worked at Kroger for nine months, “the part that really breaks my heart is when he realizes he has to hand me a empty container of chips to scan it and put it in his cart.”
The remaining contents of Fuller’s shopping cart were also evident of his empty, pitiful life. Witnesses recall the cart being full of frozen waffles, prepackaged bologna, and a glaring lack of fruits or vegetables.
Before he left, Fuller was also seen trying out a back scratcher on display near the checkout counter.