Piece Of Loose Fruit In Backpack Ready To Fuck Up All Types Of Notebooks And Shit

Catastrophe looming.
Catastrophe looming.

Reports are surfacing that a singular, unprotected banana casually tossed into a backpack is ready to indiscriminately decimate all of sophomore Carol Wembly’s homework and other kinds of shit.

According to sources, Wembly mindlessly tossed the loose piece of fruit into her backpack yesterday morning with the intention of snacking on it in the afternoon. Instead, Wembly decided to eat at the Wendy’s in the basement of the Union, subsequently forgetting about the banana in question, which will soon dominate fucking up everything in this shitty ass Jansport.

“I got a spicy chicken four for four,” said Wembly, unaware that simply jostling her backpack was more than enough to take the tender flesh of the tropical fruit and smear it over all of her academic belongings.

While the skin of the banana is supposedly still firm enough to contain all the interior contents of the banana for now, ballistics experts fear any additional textbooks or notebooks will be enough to rupture the banana, causing the leakage to destroy anything on the bottom of Wembly’s bag.

Reports indicate Wembly left her backpack in her bedroom for the weekend, allowing the banana mush to permeate the backpacks fabric and leak all over the God damn carpet.

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