Area Man Better Not Puke Because If Area Man Pukes, Other Area Man Will Puke

These area men better keep it the fuck inside.
These area men better keep it the fuck inside.

After a night of heavy drinking, reports are surfacing that area man Jacob Baker better not puke, because if he does puke, area man George Fenton will follow suit with puke of his own.

Fenton, an aspiring surgeon, reported that he just couldn’t even hear Baker throw up without regurgitating.

“This always happens with me and my damn stomach” reported Fenton, looking after an incapacitated Baker. “I won’t hold it against him if he pukes, but I’ll take no responsibility for what I do if he does.”

Baker could not be reached for comment, but sources said the look in his eyes is of a man fully determined to keep his lunch down.

It is also being reported that area man Matty McGill will spew if either Baker or Fenton vomit, and that another area man, Bradley Williams, may barf as well, which will cause McGill to puke, but not Baker or Fenton, although Williams has a 50 percent chance of puking if Fenton pukes.

The area men have therefore worked out between the two potential pukers, they would prefer for Williams to upchuck, since he will cause the fewest other area men to vomit.

At press time Baker was seen attempting to muster the words “not gonna puke” before retching his brains out.

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