Benevolent GSI Gives Extension Before Absolutely Tearing Paper To Shreds

Significant revisions are expected.
Significant revisions are expected.

A testament to her benevolence and compassion as an instructor, Jennifer Louman, a GSI for English 354, reportedly sent out an email extending the deadline of the classes five page paper in anticipation to giving them grades that will surely destroy their GPAs.

“My students have worked extremely hard this semester, and I know they have a lot of work from other classes,” said Louman. “They deserve to have enough time to dedicate to their papers that I will grade so harshly that they wish they never even enrolled in the class.”

“You know, it wasn’t so long ago that I was a student,” she added. “So I know the importance of taking as much time as they need to write a paper that I will inevitably call weak and unorganized without providing any context for my comments with examples.”

Louman also reported her plans to bring cupcakes into class on the day that she returns the papers.

“Look, I’m totally laid-back,” she said. “I don’t have silly rules about not eating in class. There’s no reason my students should be hungry when I hand them back grades that will make it impossible for them to even get a B in the class.”

The self-sacrificing GSI told reporters that it was more important to give her students extra time to compose at the expense of her own schedule.

“Sure, I’ll have to move around a couple appointments, but at the end of the day it’ll really only take me a few minutes to to absolutely decimate their hard work.”

Louman was last seen showing her students a movie before giving them a quiz on it in the final minutes of section.

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