Spider Descending From Ceiling Like Tom Cruise Equally As Unwelcome In Dorm Room

As impossible as Tom Cruise descending from the ceiling sounds, he would be equally as unwelcome as this fucking spider.
As impossible as Tom Cruise descending from the ceiling sounds, he would be equally as unwelcome as this fucking spider.

Sources report that the spider descending from the ceiling in freshman Kelly Peterson’s room, in a manner similar to that of Tom Cruise in the first “Mission Impossible” movie, was equally as unwelcome in the apartment as the latter would be.

“I don’t want that nasty spider anywhere near my room,” said Peterson regarding the spider whose invasive presence was just as unwanted as Tom Cruise’s sweaty, hairy body would be.

According to witnesses on the scene, Peterson’s roommate, Rachel Smith, had allegedly screamed at the sight of the “hideous beast with too many limbs,” although one could be forgiven for thinking she was talking about the star of “Top Gun,” born Thomas Cruise Mapother IV.

“I don’t know what to do, if I lose sight of it I’m afraid it’ll show up in my closet or under my bed or something,” said Peterson, notably pointing out places where Tom Cruise would also be unwelcome.

“Do I kill it? I’ll go find a newspaper,” said Peterson regarding a weapon that would be useless against the celebrity whose meteoric rise began with his breakout role in 1983s “Risky Business,” Thomas Cruise.

At press time, the spider had disappeared, much like you would hope Tom Cruise would if he ever descended from your air duct on a cable.

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