According to a recent report, students at the University of Michigan have announced their summer plans to be continuing look for summer plans.
“I am excited to take on a role this summer that will jumpstart my marketing career,” said psychology major Allyson McCourt. “Sending out dozens of cover letters to marketing agencies will give me just the right amount of exposure and practice in marketing the ultimate product: myself.”
Students all around campus are excited to spend the summer opening hundreds of tabs for job opportunities, filling out their name and address in the application, and then letting the tabs sit untouched until their computers automatically restart to install updates.
“This summer I want freedom to be me,” said economics major Dylan Simone. “Sure, originally I thought that would mean traveling Europe, but since that hasn’t really worked itself out, I’m excited to spend the summer organizing trips all across the United States, like going camping Up North and visiting my friend’s cabin Up North. Maybe I’ll even visit some family Up North.”
Simone added that he was looking forward to taking some time to himself this summer in order to relax and figure out how best to boost his resume. Other students echoed Simone’s sentiments.
“Summer after sophomore year is a vital time to invest in your future career and networking opportunities,” said business major Jessica Montag. “That’s why I’m looking forward to spending the summer finding important points of contact on LinkedIn, and then reaching out to them for summer plans.”
Fortunately, the University of Michigan’s unusually long summer, which runs four months, offers students plenty of time to sit at home and cold call nonprofits.
“We know what students do in the summer is often just as important to their college experience as their actual classes are,” said Office of the Registrar Spokesperson, Jonas Solotan. “We want to make sure they have as much time as possible to wait for employers to get back to them, and then continue looking for more summer plans when those ones don’t pan out, and so on and so forth.”
At press time students were making plans to go back to lifeguarding at the country club and networking with their mom’s rich pool friends.