Area Woman Buys Scented Tampons Like a Fucking Psychopath

Mitchells was reportedly unperturbed by the storebrand cardboard applicator smelling like a rancid field of flowers.
Mitchells was reportedly unperturbed by the storebrand cardboard applicator smelling like a rancid field of flowers.

In a most unprecedented move last Friday, area woman Kat Mitchells purchased a box of scented tampons from her local CVS, leading some to believe her to be, “a bit of a psychopath.”

Fellow CVS shopper and witness Jennifer Williams stated that she had always known that the store sold the product, but never thought that she would actually see someone purchase it.

“Everyone knows those things can mess you up in all types of horrible ways,” Williams told reporters. “I just don’t know what could possibly be going through her head.”

Mitchells admitted that, while she’s not actually sure what the real reason for the average consumer’s aversion to floral-scented sanitary products is, she is confident that they must “definitely fuck with the pH down there or something.”

Amy Barnes, the CVS cashier who sold the extraneouslyperfumed product to Mitchells, also expressed disbelief when Mitchells checked out.

“I’m not really sure why, but I’ve been told to avoid them,” said Barnes. “I’ve always thought it was safe to assume that your vagina would just implode or fall off or something if you put lavender fragrance in the wrong orifice.”

Barnes added that everyone over the years, from her mom to Cosmopolitan Magazine and the American Girl Doll Body Book, has advised against using such products, instead suggesting the more “reasonable, non-precarious, and healthful” unscented tampon option. “

I mean, everyone’s entitled to their own decisions,” said Barnes. “I just wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t live to make another purchase is all.”

At press time, Mitchells was seen also purchasing shampoo and conditioner to continue her routine of washing her hair every single day.

Related News