Kindergartner Born With Extra Fingers Clearly On Track For Honors Math

The fingers will reportedly make linear algebra much easier.
The fingers will reportedly make linear algebra much easier.

Counting not just to ten but all the way to twelve on the extra fingers afforded to him by the rare hereditary disease known as “polydactyly,” local tyke Tommy Collins set himself apart from the other kids at Apple Tree Daycare and booked a one way ticket for honors math.

“Tommy is by far the most advanced math student Apple Tree has ever seen,” said teacher and nap room assistant, Ms. Libby. “While the other children continue to struggle with simple arithmetic, Tommy is perfectly comfortable computing at a level of proficiency typically seen in first graders. I’ve even seen him perform double-digit addition and carry the remainder on his third and fourth thumbs.”

Reports indicate that Collins’ parents have also noticed a mathematical precociousness in their son as a result of the phalangeal mutation in his hands. “The other day when I was putting Tommy down to sleep, I noticed he was counting sheep in multiples of three,” said Sheila Collins, Tommy’s mother. “I know not every child is lucky enough to be born with unilateral preaxial polydactyly, but I just can’t help showing off Tommy’s mathematical genius. He’ll definitely be ready to learn about the number 100 soon. And I’m looking forward to him being able to indicate his age on just one hand for years to come.”

Later at recess, while his parents were busy signing him up for an intense course load of Shakespearean Finger Puppetry, Early 19th Century Finger Painting and Introduction to Typing, Collins was seen picking his nose with his fifth pinky.

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