Despite normally depending on Melatonin to fall asleep, area man Jeremy Esrig reported late last night that he was tired enough to fall asleep without it, negating his usual nightly need for what is probably a placebo.
“I usually need at least three milligrams of Melatonin,” said Esrig, referring to the over-the-counter hormone, which is, almost definitely, a placebo. “But today’s been a really long day, and I didn’t sleep much last night, so I think I’ll be able to get a solid eight hours without it.”
“I hate the idea of needing a pill to fall asleep, but in the past few weeks, I’ve been relying on Melatonin to get even a couple hours of shuteye,” continued Esrig, who claims to have a dependency on the substance, despite the fact that studies have suggested it is no more effective than a sugar pill.
When asked about the details of his usage of the almost certainly ineffective supplement, Esrig admitted to usually only having three milligrams but “five or ten when [he’s] really feeling awake.”
Reports have shown that Esrig is also probably one of those people who thinks that placing a spoon under his pillow will provoke snowfall and that essential oils will clear up his eczema.
At press time, Esrig was seen taking Emergen-C, a vitamin C supplement that he mistakenly thinks will prevent him from becoming sick.