6 Things That Will Happen If You Don’t Fall Asleep After Taking Tylenol PM

1. Stamps
All kinds of stamps. We’re not talking about just any regular stamps here. We’re talking about all stamps—postage stamps, rubber stamps, date stamps, and even passport stamps. You need to trust us here because we are completely certain that staying awake in these circumstances will result in stamps. It is also extremely important to remember that it will cause all different types of stamps.

2. The Ferret Monster will return
Oh God, not this guy again. He’s the same asshole you fought at the end of level three, right after defeating those four mini-bosses. Make sure you level up your Power Sword all the way and stock up on self-revives, heals, and tomahawks.

3. The French will Fry
Look, you’re just gonna have to trust us on this one, okay? You can’t ask any questions because it is absolutely imperative that you listen to us right now. This one’s gonna be tough, but if you listen to every single one of our instructions, everything should turn out right. We just need to get in, take out the security forces, cut the blue wire, flip the switch, and then we can reset the balance of the space-time continuum. Got it? Yes? Good. See you on the flip side.

4. Clara will know
If you stay awake after taking Tylenol PM, Clara will know. Do not question us on this one. There is a 100% chance that Clara will know. It is extremely important that you believe us because we are absolutely certain that Clara will know. It is impossible that Clara will not know. Trust us on this one.

5. Hey, I’m Selena Gomez from Wizards of Waverly Place, and you’re watching Disney Channel!
Welcome back! I just wanted to let you know that my name is Selena Gomez from Wizards of Waverly Place, and you are, in fact, currently watching Disney Channel, if you weren’t already aware of that.

6. Tyler from Xbox Live will finally, after all these years, fuck your mom
At long last, Tyler’s time has come. We were recently given intel that staying awake after taking Tylenol PM will end in Tyler’s long-awaited fornication with your mother. He promised you it would happen all those years ago, and Tyler’s ambitions will finally reach fruition. You can doubt it all you want, but we really advise you to believe us because we know with total certainty that Tyler will have sex with your mother if you fail to fall asleep after taking Tylenol PM.

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