Reports emerged last Tuesday that no dosage of antidepressants could match the strength of area man Jeremy Smith’s impregnable ailing body.
“They can try, but he’ll never let them win,” reported Smith’s long-time friend Mark Billing. “He’s always been one to put up a fight till the very end,” noted Billing, adding that “some bitchass pills aren’t going to change [his] man now.”
“From sertraline to tryptophan, they just can’t take me,” confirmed Smith. “Sometimes the SSRIs try to generate serotonin when I’m least expecting it, but I always find a way to maintain the natural, God-given chemical imbalance in my brain that I was born with,” he noted proudly.
“I don’t know what I might be like if the drugs actually worked,” said Smith. “At this point, it’d probably be indulgent and frankly a bit irresponsible to try to be someone other than the depressed sack of shit I am right now and have always been. I have a job, you know,” added Smith.
Smith, a long-time sufferer of clinical depression, only recently began to seek medication to see “what life would be like if [he] weren’t such a useless waste of space.”
At press time, Smith was seen boasting about his ability to “totally negate” the effects of the anxiety medication his psychiatrist had prescribed for his regular panic attacks.