Aunt Lori’s Boozy Bourbon Pecan Pie Upgrades Thanksgiving Dinner To Fucking Rager

The family was reportedly already looking forward to Aunt Laurie’s spiked eggnog this Christmas.
The family was reportedly already looking forward to Aunt Laurie’s spiked eggnog this Christmas.

Sources confirm that the Delacey family’s Thanksgiving dinner was upgraded from a quaint get- together to an all-out rager when Aunt Lori unveiled her delectable, liquor-infused pecan pie.

The evening started off tame and, according to some attendees, “dull.”

Family members engaged in small talk and sampled Uncle Bill’s fried appetizers, which Aunt Linda termed “uninspired and dry” during a muttered conversation with her mother-in-law Suze Delacey.

In another blow to the night’s swankiness, several high school- aged members of the Delacey clan characterized the dinner as “lame” in hushed tones.

Even the Thanksgiving meal’s main course, Great Aunt Betty’s signature lemon-sage roasted turkey, failed to stoke any enthusiasm from family members. Twelve-year-old Sammy Delacey allegedly overheard Grandma Ethel question why she had not “[taken] a few more shots before hauling [her] ass over here” when the iconic fowl was produced.

But the evening’s mood received a sudden boost of energy when, in a moment, Aunt Hester likened to “Jesus turning water into wine at Cana.”

Aunt Lori presented her “oozy- boozy bourbon pecan pie” to the crowd. The naughty nutty pastry was met with interest and anticipation.

Grandma Ethel reportedly straightened up in her seat and said “Aw yeah, Lori; pass me a slice of that stuff.”

With the presence of Aunt Lori’s succulent creation, which was fully consumed within minutes, the atmosphere of the dinner quickly loosened up. Sources say that Christmas carols were played on full blast, the wine cellar was significantly depleted, and the adult’s table seemed to be having just as much fun as the kid’s table. Just after midnight, reports indicated that Aunt Linda was found passed out on the couch and Uncle Sean was holding back Great Aunt Belinda’s hair as she vomited some liquor-infused whipped cream into the second-floor bathroom toilet.

When asked about Thanksgiving the next morning, the collectively hung-over and pie-stuffed family concurred that the night had been “off the rails.”

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