In a compassionate act of charity, Jason Foxen, 22, reportedly decreed that the jet black bananas he purchased from Meijer 16 days ago are “up for grabs, if anyone wants them.”
“I’m not gonna finish all the bananas on the counter by myself, so if anyone wants them by all means go for it,” told the public-spirited Foxen to his roommates over a group text.
According to eyewitnesses, the bananas had been apparently inedible for “at least six days” prior to the announcement. Additional reports suggest that a colony of fruit flies has taken up residence in their vicinity.
“I can’t tell if he genuinely thinks this is the polite thing to do in this situation,” said Rishi Savani, Foxen’s roommate. “He buys bananas all the time, but I’m starting to wonder whether he has ever actually eaten one.”
Foxen was reportedly proud of his gesture. “In my house, everybody eats,” he remarked to one reporter, “I wasn’t raised to let people I care about go hungry, and I certainly don’t waste perfectly good food.”
Foxen was later seen putting a sticky note above his empty toothpaste container in the bathroom with the words “use me.”