Female CEO Apparently Empowering

Walters gracefully demonstrated how to crush small business owners.
Walters gracefully demonstrated how to crush small business owners.

After a speech delivered by IngenSys CEO Alice Walters at Rackham Auditorium last Friday, it was reported that a number of attendees had interpreted Walters’ remarks as “empowering.”

Walters, known for her ruthless business savvy and disregard for lesser human life, was invited as a keynote speaker to “inspire and move young women to achieve levels of corruption previously only known to man.”

“She was absolutely incredible,” remarked audience member and freshman business administration student Sara Rollins when reached for comment. “In a world where women aren’t given proper opportunity to step on other peoples’ backs in the pursuit of personal financial gain, we girls need people like Alice to tell it like it is.”

“All the cards were stacked against her. I mean, she’s had to work so hard,” noted fellow attendee Summer Aniston, who chose to attend Walters’ speech over that of an activist raising awareness of cases of female genital mutilation the same night, which, according to Aniston, would have been “no fun.”

“She’s an amazing speaker,” observed audience member Allie Johnston, who sat captivated as Walters launched into an anecdote about unethical labor practices in Los Angeles factories. “Hers is such an incredible journey into becoming a shamelessly self-absorbed tycoon of business,” added Johnson, who made sure to get Walters’ autograph on her Vera Bradley planner after the event.

Walters was last seen preparing business management workshops for young women that would screw over consumers at all levels, regardless of gender.

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