Sophomore Still Finding His Groove In 12th Week Of Semester

Gary reportedly ‘just got here, guys.’
Gary reportedly ‘just got here, guys.’

After returning from Thanksgiving break, LSA sophomore Martin Gary has reportedly announced that he’s “still finding his groove” at this point in the semester.

“My grades definitely aren’t where I want them to be,” he told reporters. “But that’s okay, I’m really trying to find a study technique that’s right for me before I get worried.”

Sources report Gary has yet to really try out any study techniques, but he’s hoping one day it will just come to him. “I’ve tested out a couple of the libraries,” Gary said, “but nothing really fits what I need. Hatcher, the Shapiro Undergraduate Library, I’ve tried them all.”

According to friend and roommate Zach Renick, Gary’s troubles extend far beyond his inability to find a study space. “I think he’s really struggling to figure himself out,” said Renick, who has been roomates with Gary since they were freshmen two years ago. “He gets up for the gym at 9 a.m. but comes back ten minutes later saying he ‘just wasn’t feeling it.’ He rushed frats three separate times and dropped each one. I guess everyone just adjusts to college differently.”

At press time, Gary was on his way to an academic advisor to change his major for what was allegedly the “third and final time.”

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