Woah there! Heads up! Get your engines revving and your gaskets oiled, because that guy in your philosophy 232 section is coming in with a HOT take in today’s ethics discussion. There may be mere minutes left in class, but you’d be a fool to think that would stop Spencer Wexler, proverbial advocate for Lucifer himself, from daring to shoulder the load of arguing a contrarian viewpoint.
Hey, give Spencer a break—he nodded and pretended to listen to your argument that “there is no such thing as a selfless good deed” for two whole minutes, and now it’s his time to shine. While you may argue that “any act of supposed altruism benefits the actor by easing their conscience, thereby granting them a reward that invalidates the true meaning of ‘selflessness,’” Spencer would like to point out all the reasons that your argument is actually very wrong and weak, just like you. Spencer argues that he does selfless good deeds all the time—like showing up to this class even though it’s full of losers like you who probably “didn’t even read Plato’s full anthology.” Poser alert!
Spencer gets your point, but hear him out! He’s been sitting on this Pulitzer Prize-worthy rebuttal to your comment and he just can’t wait any longer to get it out. But be careful! When Spencer sides with the Chancellor of the Underworld, he is sure to go on for too long, repeating himself with a passion, and inevitably making class run three minutes overtime.
Oh, I’m sorry—did you think Kant had a good point? Spencer would like to respectfully agree to disagree.