Witnesses have reported that Trevor Jackson’s 23andMe results, which arrived this past Thursday, have confirmed that he is a complete and utter dumbass.
The report surfaced three weeks after Jackson received a 23andMe kit as a Christmas gift, sealed his saliva in a plastic tube, and sent it to the 23andMe labs in return for ancestry and health kits. From the results, Jackson learned that he is 1.4% North African, he is likely to be a deep sleeper, and he is an absolute moron.
“After running multiple tests on Trevor, we have found that his Paternal Haplogroup is E-L29,” said 23andMe Scientist Rich Denverson. “We are also completely positive that he is a real idiot.” Between bouts of uncontrollable laughter, Denverson later added “how stupid Trevor must have looked spitting into that plastic tube we sent to him.”
Jackson’s family members have also commented on the situation:
“We were very pleased to find that Trevor does not have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 variations,” said Angela Jackson, Trevor’s mother, referring to the genetic variations associated with increased risk of developing certain types of cancer. “But we are disheartened to find that our son is undoubtedly an imbecile.”
“I had always suspected something was wrong with him,” said Stephanie Jackson, Trevor’s sister. “While I am glad to know that it was never Niemann-Pick Disease Type A or Neuronal Ceroid Lipofuscinosis, I’m going to need a few days to process the fact that my brother is, scientifically, a dimwit.”
At press time, local simpleton Trevor Jackson was spotted paying five dollars for bottled water at a movie theater.