1.Roasted Winter Squash with Cauliflower and Pine Nuts
Winter squash may be in season, but guess what—so is tap water. And those little cheese powder packets? Yeah, they never go out of style. Also, what’s the deal with pine nuts, mom, do you think money grows on trees? I trust the stagnant price of Annie’s mac and cheese due to the current cheese surplus affecting dairy farmers everywhere. Do you want to be responsible for putting them out of business?
2. One pot Black Bean Stew with Sweet Potato and Kale
Do you know what else comes in one pot? That’s right, Annie’s mac and cheese. The purple box with the shells and white cheddar. Plus, adding the sweet potato and kale is just adding more steps to soup, which is a waste of my damn time. I appreciate your article about the “health benefits of beta carotene in sweet potatoes,” but I honestly didn’t read it. Annie’s comes fortified with every vitamin I need. It’s a one-stop shop. And bunnies are fucking adorable.
3. Baked Salmon with Lentils and Braised Collard Greens
Hold on—salmon? Do I look like Queen Elizabeth to you? I add my milk and butter one spoonful at a time, just like every other average American. To be honest, this sounds very hands-on with the baking, braising, and cooking techniques. The only “hands on” I’m looking for us one hand on the colander as I drain the delicious macaroni into a dirty sink while basking in a steamy spa of hot pasta fumes.
4. Aunt Susan’s Homemade mac and cheese
Nice try, mother, but nobody can stomach your homemade creation.
Sorry, mom, but these recipes could never stand a chance against the recipe on the side of the box.