Entire English Class Girls Named Alison

Sources report that nearly half the class’s middle names are Marie.
Sources report that nearly half the class’s middle names are Marie.

Maintaining that there were no people by any other name, news broke on Tuesday that the class roster of English 465: Faulkner and the Ghosts of the South was comprised exclusively of women named Alison.

“This happens from time to time,” said LSA English Professor and department chair Walt Johnson. “Upper level English classes like these tend to attract majors only. And majors tend to be young women named Alison.”

“Taking attendance is a nightmare,” said English 465 professor Clement Parrish. “Every class I call out the first Alison and every single student raises their hand and says ‘here.’” “It’s sort of a breath of fresh air,” said junior Alison Burns, one of three Ali B’s in the class, “most English classes will have girls with lots of names, like Emma or Natalie, but to have a class of all Alison’s give us something in common to build the discussion off of.”

“It’s nice to gain the perspective of a plurality of Alison’s” told senior Alison Paisley to reporters. “In a lot of my other classes within the department there are only four or five Alison’s to supplement my reading of the text, but I don’t have to worry about that in this class.”

At press time, Alison Gomes was seen circling back to Alison Ramos’ earlier point about Faulkner’s depiction of the southern gentleman as a man without an identity.

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