University Head of Transit Services Mina Wright confirmed late Friday night that a “suggestive” music choice on the 2:00 am Bursley Baits from Central to North Campus draped a “raw, sexual energy” across the bus’ atmosphere.
The music, which sources report was a “generic early 2000s R&B song,” was described as “the distinctive ballad of a bona-fide panty-dropper” by witness Jim Allfield. He further claimed that, “the aura of the bus changed for everyone riding it. Weary late-night study bugs and blacked-out drunken partiers alike snapped to attention. The sudden mood change towards unfiltered sexual charisma was inarguably palpable.”
According to eyewitness Garcia Locke, the Bursley-Baits bus, which was previously “as dry and unerotic as a Northwood,” soon became “a passionate sexual arena, like a Wednesday afternoon Commuter South.”
While some sources indicate that the bus driver kept her eyes on the road, some witnesses suspected that her motives were anything but innocent.
“She knew what was up,” claimed passenger Jeremiah Fields. “No one hits ‘play’ on a swanky love jam like that with innocence in their heart. I will dedicate my entire sexual autonomy for the rest of my life in pursuit of the same feeling on that 1:45 am bus.”