New Year, Same Old Gary

Look, I get it. It’s the new year, it’s 2019. The last one sucked for a lot of folks, and they’re looking to make some changes. Not ol’ Gary though, no sir. I’ve been doing the Gary thing just about my whole life by this point, and that’s not about to change for any reason.

Lots of folks at work have been making all these ‘resolutions’ and whatnot—they’re eating fewer carbs, they’re biking to the office, drinking decaf, that sort of thing. And hey, if that floats their boats, more power to ‘em. But me? Nah. Even if I did want to make a change, I wouldn’t need to wait until January first to make it. But make a change I won’t, because I don’t need to. I’m Gary, and if that doesn’t work for you, you know where the door is.

It’s a shame more people can’t just take a page from the ol’ Book of Gary—don’t go looking in the New Testament for that one now, you won’t find it—and just be themselves. Or, I guess, be me. That’s what I do. I’m Gary.

Someone’s got a problem with my weight? Look somewhere else. Think I need to stop smoking in my car? Call an Uber. Does my tone-deaf rendition of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” rub you the wrong way? Hey buddy, they sell ear plugs down at the hardware store, go buy a few. I’m just being me, just as God made me, and he ain’t known for making too many mistakes. Nor am I, by the way I see it. So why should I change?

So take it from me. Whether you’re another Gary, or a Paul, a Madeline, an Alex, hell, maybe even a William, don’t bother with that psychobabble introspective mumbo jumbo. Just do you. So in my case, that’s me, and that’s what I’m gonna do: me.

I’m Gary.

Related News