All scientific laws were left on the cutting room floor last Friday when LSA freshman Jessica Ritz mislabeled an assignment “Jan 2018.”
The assignment responsible for the cosmological catastrophe was a reading response for Amcult 113, which discussed the relevance of superhero films in American society. Ritz, who had reportedly not intended to dismantle the universe’s foundational chronology when she turned in the assignment, was “thoroughly shook” when she found that a minute typo had, in fact, completely reduced all notions of linear time to smithereens.
“I wasn’t thinking,” Ritz told her GSI, Carla Munez, as the pair observed the world order crumble as a result of the recently turned-in assignment. “Honestly, this is the first time I’ve written the date all year, and I just didn’t notice.”
Harvard University Physics Professor Jane Klune believes that Ritz’s blunder will “not only leave a calamitous butterfly effect on the courses of past and future events, but it will also open a Pandora’s box of pandemonium. Bell towers will toll all through the night, 11:59 pm deadlines will occur at 11:57 pm. Who knows what other horrors are in store? This girl’s seemingly inane error threatens the very essence of human society as we know it.”
At press time, FEMA was organizing a task force to respond to Jessica’s mistake, but all scientific laws were left on the cutting room floor last Friday when LSA freshman Jessica Ritz mislabeled an assignment ‘Jan 2018.’