Friend Who Has Better Life Than You Going Out Of Town For Weekend

Instagram has been able to confirm Keitler is having a great time

Reports are coming in that your friend, Jessica Keitler, whose life is better than yours by nearly all metrics, will be going out of town this weekend while you stay at home.

Sources close to both you and Keitler have confirmed that she could have several reasons to take a weekend trip away from your college town while you twiddle your thumbs alone in your room, watching Netflix and checking Facebook to see if any acquaintances have invited you to one of their mediocre parties.

With a 3.8 GPA and a better resume than you, she could be away for one of what will surely be a continuing series of interviews at top companies. Given her social and outgoing nature, it is also a strong possibility that she is taking the weekend to visit one of her many friends who lives somewhere far more interesting than your boring college town—the same town where you’ll be spending this and every foreseeable weekend.

Ryan Day, a member of the same student organization as you and Keitler, provided further indication that she lives a far more enviable lifestyle than you.

“Jess is awesome,” said Day. “She’s a great student, she’s on the executive board of our volunteer organization, and she has friends and connections all over the country. I hear she’s going out of town this weekend. She does that sometimes, she had an interview in San Diego a few weeks ago, and she visited some friends in Chicago not long after that. Last semester she went to Philadelphia over fall break for a conference. She’s got a lot going on for her.”

At press time, Keitler was seen jogging to the IM building for a workout while you were in the midst of a seven-hour Grand Theft Auto binge.

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