Report: Dad Has A Guy For That

Dad just doesn’t trust any of those other guys for that.

Following your emergency call concerning a broken fan belt in the station wagon, your dad announced that you should “hold on just a second” and “not do anything just yet—[he] has a guy for that.”

“Don’t call AAA” said your dad in terms of what you should do from here. “I’ll just call Miguel and he’ll have you out of there in no time at all.”

Sources report that your dad has a history of having other guys for other things as well—from guys who can get you “a fair price on those basketball tickets,” to guys who can “get that fallen tree out of your way no problem.”

“Yeah I’m not too worried about the spray foam insulation job; I’ll just give Ernie a call and we’ll sort things out later,” your dad was reportedly overheard talking on his Motorola flip phone to one of his “guys.”

Although your dad was able to get you out of “a tight spot back there,” family sources report that the situation “doesn’t make any sense,” seeing as your dad has never before mentioned either Miguel or Ernie andit is “unclear how your dad even knows anyone in the first place seeing as how he spends all his time watching Netflix crime shows and college football by himself.”

At press time, your dad was talking about how he was “planning on meeting up with B.R. before the game” to see “if he might let us park over at his place.”

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